Not Good to Be Alone—Not Bad to Be Single

Inside Chapter Two of 'Single Ever After'

(Pssst. Make sure you read to the end of this post for a special behind-the-scenes bonus!)

You wouldn’t think a non-outdoorsy gal like me would end up bingeing History Channel’s Alone. But something about the series has always captivated me. Granted, I watched my first episode during Covid lockdown, so that might have had something to do with it 🤔

One of the things I find simultaneously intriguing and utterly unsurprising about Alone is how so many contestants end up unravelling not from frostbite or hunger, but from simply being… well, alone. It is so often the utter solitude of their situation that does them in.

While writing Chapter Two of Single Ever After, I found myself returning to the same question over and over again: Are single Christians destined to live that same kind of solitude? Many churches seem to assume yes. Lots of social media posts affirm it. But I wanted to go back to the biblical source for the answer, especially that famous “not good” moment in Eden (Genesis 2:18).

What exactly was not good about Adam’s aloneness?
And what does that mean for us today?

Here’s an excerpt that helped me reframe and begin to answer those questions:

“Often we can assume the problem was that Adam was lonely. Yet if we pay close attention, we see that the passage doesn’t invite us to consider how Adam felt about his aloneness. Unlike the editors of the Alone series— who make it very clear how desperately isolated their contestants are feeling—the author of Genesis 2 doesn’t say anything at all about how Adam was feeling.

The diagnosis comes entirely from Adam’s Creator. And that diagnosis is simply that it is not good for him to be alone… God taught him—and all the rest of creation with him—that this was not the end plan. The man was not ever meant to be, let alone to stay, alone.”

Single Ever After (p. 36-37)

As I thought long and hard about God’s solution to Adam’s aloneness, I found myself challenged to separate two things we often confuse: being unmarried and being alone.

Friends, they are not the same.

As I explore in Chapter Two of Single Ever After, Scripture tells us that it was not good for Adam to be the only human… not that it was not good for him to be unmarried.

God’s solution wasn’t simply marriage—it was human community.

If you’re a single Christian, you are not a glitch in God’s relational design. Your life is meant to be woven into the full richness of spiritual family—not hidden on the margins of church life.

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Over to You

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💬 Leave a comment below to share how this landed with you. Have you felt the ache of aloneness in church—or discovered unexpected forms of oneness? I’d love to hear your story.

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📸 In Chapter Two, I share the story of Kelly, who told me, “I once again concluded that church really is one of the loneliest places for a single person.” If Kelly’ comment resonates with you, download this image, share it on your socials and tag a friend or community who you think should be part of changing that reality!

A Behind-the-Scenes Bonus

Well done for making it to the end of this post. Here’s a little bonus for you!

In Chapter Two of Single Ever After, I describe a sunny communal table at a lovely country cafe. You can now see it for yourself!