The more I explored Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, the more I realised how far we’ve strayed from their original meaning. We’ve taken his straightforward language about different gifts and built a whole theology of hierarchy, pressure and even shame around it.
One of the best comments I ever heard on the topic of singleness as a 'gift' was "I'm single, so I have the gift of singleness. If I marry, I will have the gift of marriage." Love the way it cut through all the pseudo-spiritual waffling about singleness as some kind of weird, set-apart state, and brought it back to the basics!
Preordered and hoping that I’ll be able to assign this to my graduate counseling students in their intro to sexuality course! Your work has so profoundly shaped me and the way I view sibling relationships in the church, Dani.
I read a book years ago that said a similar thing to Pippa D (above) while reminding readers that whichever gift you currently have may be changed for another season (you may marry or become single due to any number of reasons, some sinful and some not at all). Whichever situation we’re in, it’s a gift to be stewarded for God’s glory. I think the book was called, “The Single Issue” (Al Tsu). I’m now married, and so deeply grateful for that gift, but often remind myself of the book’s words.
As an aside, one of the most precious gifts before our wedding was the comment of good friends of my husband: “Marriage is a wonderful gift and we hope you thoroughly enjoy it!”
I was also thinking about the comment by Caitlin about how labelling one season as a ‘gift’ can be unhelpful… I write from the perspective of someone who hasn’t been through the heartache of divorce, but did experience a long season of primary singleness before marrying. I’ve thought a lot about how well-meaning people often speak to single women (I wonder if the same comments come your way?), and it’s something I try to be careful with…
It’s hard when something labeled as a ‘gift’ doesn’t feel that way, whatever the season.
The book above was so refreshing after hearing so many unhelpful comments on the challenges/‘insufficiency’ of marriage over the years by some who were well intentioned but misdirected in the expression of this.
I don’t think we benefit anyone by falsely elevating one above the other: Marriage is often hard. Singleness is often hard. Singleness can allow some to best serve Jesus in some seasons. Marriage can best allow some to best serve Jesus in some seasons. Singleness can be a blessing. Marriage can be a blessing. Married people have 24 hours in a day. Single people do too.
I’m grateful that God is good, he is faithful, and he will shepherd his people for all eternity, whatever our marital status.
As a divorced woman I find that language incredibly frustrating. Did I receive the “gift” of marriage only for it to sour? Does being divorced mean I have the “gift” of singleness? I think the “gift” diminishes the lived experiences of all of us as we try to live. The whole concept of a gift can come with a tremendous amount of weight. Life is full of choices and also depends on the choices others make. It is not a hierarchy.
I've been building an understanding of God's gifts as part of a gift economy (vs the exchange economies much of the world uses today) and it's a very helpful framework. It's difficult to understand God's generous gifts of everything we have and are when we live in settings where even a "Free Gift!" is really a marketing trap.
One of the best comments I ever heard on the topic of singleness as a 'gift' was "I'm single, so I have the gift of singleness. If I marry, I will have the gift of marriage." Love the way it cut through all the pseudo-spiritual waffling about singleness as some kind of weird, set-apart state, and brought it back to the basics!
Preordered and hoping that I’ll be able to assign this to my graduate counseling students in their intro to sexuality course! Your work has so profoundly shaped me and the way I view sibling relationships in the church, Dani.
I read a book years ago that said a similar thing to Pippa D (above) while reminding readers that whichever gift you currently have may be changed for another season (you may marry or become single due to any number of reasons, some sinful and some not at all). Whichever situation we’re in, it’s a gift to be stewarded for God’s glory. I think the book was called, “The Single Issue” (Al Tsu). I’m now married, and so deeply grateful for that gift, but often remind myself of the book’s words.
As an aside, one of the most precious gifts before our wedding was the comment of good friends of my husband: “Marriage is a wonderful gift and we hope you thoroughly enjoy it!”
I was also thinking about the comment by Caitlin about how labelling one season as a ‘gift’ can be unhelpful… I write from the perspective of someone who hasn’t been through the heartache of divorce, but did experience a long season of primary singleness before marrying. I’ve thought a lot about how well-meaning people often speak to single women (I wonder if the same comments come your way?), and it’s something I try to be careful with…
It’s hard when something labeled as a ‘gift’ doesn’t feel that way, whatever the season.
The book above was so refreshing after hearing so many unhelpful comments on the challenges/‘insufficiency’ of marriage over the years by some who were well intentioned but misdirected in the expression of this.
I don’t think we benefit anyone by falsely elevating one above the other: Marriage is often hard. Singleness is often hard. Singleness can allow some to best serve Jesus in some seasons. Marriage can best allow some to best serve Jesus in some seasons. Singleness can be a blessing. Marriage can be a blessing. Married people have 24 hours in a day. Single people do too.
I’m grateful that God is good, he is faithful, and he will shepherd his people for all eternity, whatever our marital status.
As a divorced woman I find that language incredibly frustrating. Did I receive the “gift” of marriage only for it to sour? Does being divorced mean I have the “gift” of singleness? I think the “gift” diminishes the lived experiences of all of us as we try to live. The whole concept of a gift can come with a tremendous amount of weight. Life is full of choices and also depends on the choices others make. It is not a hierarchy.
I've been building an understanding of God's gifts as part of a gift economy (vs the exchange economies much of the world uses today) and it's a very helpful framework. It's difficult to understand God's generous gifts of everything we have and are when we live in settings where even a "Free Gift!" is really a marketing trap.