Singleness can be hard. But it is not a tragedy.Singleness can be painful. But it is not a pity. God’s word calls the unmarried life a good gift from a good God. So tell me, who are you to say otherwise? It's time to dig up.
Nicely done! I'm a 70-year-old woman who has been married but has been single now for about 40 years or so. And you think the young ones are invisible? An older single woman isn't just invisible, she's nonexistent! I am, however, fortunate. I have community. I am blessed. Most importantly, I have the One Who is always with us.
The video was helpful! Really liked and agree with your point about God solving the issue of Adam’s aloness with human community and not with marriage. This a very important concept. I would say it is revolutionary. Imagine how different things would be if we interpreted Genesis 1-2 in this way!!!
I appreciate your writing, Dani, and your very incisive thinking.
Theoretically, I guess, I should understand both sides of this question. I was single 'til I was 33, but it's been a long time.
The main thing marriage can teach, and you've probably read this (the Bible says it) but even very well-informed folks don't understand exactly how it works. It's that, as the Bible claims, difficulty makes us stronger, makes us trust God more. And marriage and family bring on more difficulty than we can possibly imagine. Kids make it harder, and trying to follow God adds to that. As a single person life was much easier, which was good, because I had no one to help. Marriage and children made life much harder, but now I had help.
But here's the crucial fact: I wouldn't have tackled the things I did without help (and, to be honest, wouldn't have had to if we never made babies together) So being married motivated me to push myself in ways I never did when I was single.
Now, lots of people would be nodding all along, thinking "yeah, this is all familiar, I know it from the Bible."
But they really don't. They don't realize how much difficulty changes our character. Not just living life, we all know that's hard. Some people think God's there for the everyday things, and He is. But not just everyday things. They seem to think the comfort they've received from God is the same as everyone gets. God promises He'll change our character from going through difficulties, and many seem to think, "I've gone through difficulties. So God must have changed me." But I don't think He did, not as much as He promised. The strain they encountered was mostly not from trying to follow God, but merely from experiencing the normal difficulties of life.
I suggest marriage ups the ante, so to speak, by giving us more difficulties (but also more help) with the whole intent of changing our character.
And I guess your situation has unique difficulties that allow your character to change too.
My singleness frustrates me at times (that said, marriage also comes with frustration!); but there are also times where I realize that it is, indeed, a gift. I can volunteer at the drop of a hat without needing to consult a s/o, I can step in when my married friends with kids need a break, and when/if a woman who needs someone with my other gifts comes along, I'll be there for her.
It's as you said, just because you may not want a gift at the time doesn't make it any less of a gift.
I'm certain that this attitude that singleness is a bad thing has run many wonderful singles out of the organized church and therefore away from people who could use them as vital parts of what my friend calls her "village", and that's a shame.
I really have had enough of the arrogant, patronising attitudes of some pastors towards singleness. I was a blissfully happy single for 45 years, and while I'm aware that I was in a minority, my situation was not unique. This guy is either spending far too little time with singles or else he is just assuming he already knows how they all feel (based on past experience, I'm guessing the latter!) And why is it only acceptable to be single if you are miserable?!!!
Thank you for continuing to call out this ridiculous and illogical teaching on singleness and marriage that pervades our churches. Hopefully, one day articles like this will not be necessary because the church will have a wholesome attitude towards both singleness and marriage - but I can't see that happening in our lifetimes!
Nicely done! I'm a 70-year-old woman who has been married but has been single now for about 40 years or so. And you think the young ones are invisible? An older single woman isn't just invisible, she's nonexistent! I am, however, fortunate. I have community. I am blessed. Most importantly, I have the One Who is always with us.
The video was helpful! Really liked and agree with your point about God solving the issue of Adam’s aloness with human community and not with marriage. This a very important concept. I would say it is revolutionary. Imagine how different things would be if we interpreted Genesis 1-2 in this way!!!
I appreciate your writing, Dani, and your very incisive thinking.
Theoretically, I guess, I should understand both sides of this question. I was single 'til I was 33, but it's been a long time.
The main thing marriage can teach, and you've probably read this (the Bible says it) but even very well-informed folks don't understand exactly how it works. It's that, as the Bible claims, difficulty makes us stronger, makes us trust God more. And marriage and family bring on more difficulty than we can possibly imagine. Kids make it harder, and trying to follow God adds to that. As a single person life was much easier, which was good, because I had no one to help. Marriage and children made life much harder, but now I had help.
But here's the crucial fact: I wouldn't have tackled the things I did without help (and, to be honest, wouldn't have had to if we never made babies together) So being married motivated me to push myself in ways I never did when I was single.
Now, lots of people would be nodding all along, thinking "yeah, this is all familiar, I know it from the Bible."
But they really don't. They don't realize how much difficulty changes our character. Not just living life, we all know that's hard. Some people think God's there for the everyday things, and He is. But not just everyday things. They seem to think the comfort they've received from God is the same as everyone gets. God promises He'll change our character from going through difficulties, and many seem to think, "I've gone through difficulties. So God must have changed me." But I don't think He did, not as much as He promised. The strain they encountered was mostly not from trying to follow God, but merely from experiencing the normal difficulties of life.
I suggest marriage ups the ante, so to speak, by giving us more difficulties (but also more help) with the whole intent of changing our character.
And I guess your situation has unique difficulties that allow your character to change too.
Love the videos
Has he ever heard of monks and nuns?
My singleness frustrates me at times (that said, marriage also comes with frustration!); but there are also times where I realize that it is, indeed, a gift. I can volunteer at the drop of a hat without needing to consult a s/o, I can step in when my married friends with kids need a break, and when/if a woman who needs someone with my other gifts comes along, I'll be there for her.
It's as you said, just because you may not want a gift at the time doesn't make it any less of a gift.
I'm certain that this attitude that singleness is a bad thing has run many wonderful singles out of the organized church and therefore away from people who could use them as vital parts of what my friend calls her "village", and that's a shame.
To answer your question: yes, videos are good. It allows me to consume some of your content while I work.
Thank you again for helping me reconsider ideas I wasn't fully aware of.
I appreciate your clear thinking, your generosity and your clear communication.
May your work, and the work of your team, help us to love God and eachother more.
I really have had enough of the arrogant, patronising attitudes of some pastors towards singleness. I was a blissfully happy single for 45 years, and while I'm aware that I was in a minority, my situation was not unique. This guy is either spending far too little time with singles or else he is just assuming he already knows how they all feel (based on past experience, I'm guessing the latter!) And why is it only acceptable to be single if you are miserable?!!!
Thank you for continuing to call out this ridiculous and illogical teaching on singleness and marriage that pervades our churches. Hopefully, one day articles like this will not be necessary because the church will have a wholesome attitude towards both singleness and marriage - but I can't see that happening in our lifetimes!
A very entertaining read Dani.
The type of assumptions so many pastors make around marriage and singleness definitely needs “digging up”