I want to finish this series by making a couple of pastorally focused observations and then one last comment (and challenge) about why I think we are so drawn to the “usual reading” and find the “proposed reading” so uncomfortable.
Dani suggested that readers talk with a trusted friend or pastor, to discuss whether remarriage is permissible after divorce.
In my observation and experience, following that advice will often lead the perplexed believer into more uncertainty and confusion, because there are SO MANY different views on divorce and remarriage.
Having said that, I offer my own take. For decades I have studied and written about the biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage. I am convinced that the Bible allows divorce for abuse, adultery and desertion, and that the person who has divorced for abuse, adultery or desertion is at liberty to remarry without incurring guilt.
I understand from comments on the previous posts in the series that you do not hold the same views as Dani on remarriage, and acknowledge your concern (at least, that which I have perceived) that her arguments may cause victims of marital abuse to feel trapped in their dysfunctional relationships, guilty for leaving, or somehow less valuable if they believe they cannot remarry.
However, I do not think that Dani is suggesting that divorced people wrestling with remarriage discuss their questions with trusted, mature Christians because they will have the "definitive Biblical answers". What these people, myself included, need more than the right exegetical interpretation are brothers and sisters who will listen to us, weep with us, pray together with us, and walk with us as we discern God's will for our complicated lives.
As such, I found it incredibly valuable that Dani humbly pointed out her own limitations, as well as those of the online medium. In my experience, what confuses me most is being bombarded with different (well-intentioned and Christian) views on divorce and remarriage, all of which claim to be correct for me personally despite not knowing my story or my walk with Christ. And these don't come from my trusted friends or church family - they come from the Internet!
I hear you Wein, and I understand and sympathise with your desire to have brothers and sisters (face to face, not online) listen to you, weep with you, and walk with you as you discern God’s will for yourself. I relate to all those desires as I’ve desired those things for myself, and seldom found people willing and able to be compassionate with me like that.
I agree that kind-hearted companions are just as important and sometimes more urgently needed than precise exegetical arguments. However, some of us do want and need to be convinced by exegetical arguments before we can decide about getting divorced or remarried.
It never ceases to amaze me how few professing Christians heed the instruction “weep with those who weep”. It seems to me that many professing Christians read that verse but never compute (let alone act on) what it actually says.
Thank you for writing this Dani, and for not just presenting your arguments and observations, but doing so with genuine humility and empathy. As a recent divorcee, these are challenging words for me (as I've mentioned before); there are both sorrows for me to walk through and questions for me to wrestle with. But the way you portray the goodness of single life as a beloved member of God's family, and reveal how our present society and culture often minimise it, helps me to see the possibility of remaining unmarried as a viable and even desirable way to honour God's plans for my life.
I definitely haven't made up my mind on the topic of remarriage, by the way - there will be a time for me to have some deep conversations with trusted Christian friends, as you suggest! But your words (and the work of Single Minded more generally) have provided both comfort to me in my times of grief, and encouragement to persevere in my walk with Christ.
This was a powerful series of posts, Dani. I am thankfully not in a place where I am having to consider the messy ethics of divorce/remarriage in my own life, but of course I know people in the church who suffer in these ways, and this post seems highly sensible and sensitive. I will certainly be returning to this series to read it through again and get all the nuances. I really appreciate how your proposed reading makes better sense of Jesus' different 'types' of eunuchs, as well.
This is a tangential question, but one I've been meaning to ask you for a long time:
What is your take on Paul's teachings about sex in marriage in 1 Cor. 7:1-5? I am curious about Paul's instructions that married couples should "not deprive one another" for too long lest they fall into sexual immorality. This seems to fit with the "usual reading" that says (per the BCP) that "marriage is a remedy against sin." I find the "usual reading" of 1 Cor. 7:6-9 really dissatisfying and disconcerting, and like your read on it, but haven't quite figured out where this preceding passage fits in the puzzle of reinterpretation. Thoughts?
Dani suggested that readers talk with a trusted friend or pastor, to discuss whether remarriage is permissible after divorce.
In my observation and experience, following that advice will often lead the perplexed believer into more uncertainty and confusion, because there are SO MANY different views on divorce and remarriage.
Having said that, I offer my own take. For decades I have studied and written about the biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage. I am convinced that the Bible allows divorce for abuse, adultery and desertion, and that the person who has divorced for abuse, adultery or desertion is at liberty to remarry without incurring guilt.
I set out the exegetical arguments here:
https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/faq/what-does-the-bible-say-about-divorce/
https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/faq/what-about-remarriage/
Barbara,
I understand from comments on the previous posts in the series that you do not hold the same views as Dani on remarriage, and acknowledge your concern (at least, that which I have perceived) that her arguments may cause victims of marital abuse to feel trapped in their dysfunctional relationships, guilty for leaving, or somehow less valuable if they believe they cannot remarry.
However, I do not think that Dani is suggesting that divorced people wrestling with remarriage discuss their questions with trusted, mature Christians because they will have the "definitive Biblical answers". What these people, myself included, need more than the right exegetical interpretation are brothers and sisters who will listen to us, weep with us, pray together with us, and walk with us as we discern God's will for our complicated lives.
As such, I found it incredibly valuable that Dani humbly pointed out her own limitations, as well as those of the online medium. In my experience, what confuses me most is being bombarded with different (well-intentioned and Christian) views on divorce and remarriage, all of which claim to be correct for me personally despite not knowing my story or my walk with Christ. And these don't come from my trusted friends or church family - they come from the Internet!
I hear you Wein, and I understand and sympathise with your desire to have brothers and sisters (face to face, not online) listen to you, weep with you, and walk with you as you discern God’s will for yourself. I relate to all those desires as I’ve desired those things for myself, and seldom found people willing and able to be compassionate with me like that.
I agree that kind-hearted companions are just as important and sometimes more urgently needed than precise exegetical arguments. However, some of us do want and need to be convinced by exegetical arguments before we can decide about getting divorced or remarried.
It never ceases to amaze me how few professing Christians heed the instruction “weep with those who weep”. It seems to me that many professing Christians read that verse but never compute (let alone act on) what it actually says.
Thank you for writing this Dani, and for not just presenting your arguments and observations, but doing so with genuine humility and empathy. As a recent divorcee, these are challenging words for me (as I've mentioned before); there are both sorrows for me to walk through and questions for me to wrestle with. But the way you portray the goodness of single life as a beloved member of God's family, and reveal how our present society and culture often minimise it, helps me to see the possibility of remaining unmarried as a viable and even desirable way to honour God's plans for my life.
I definitely haven't made up my mind on the topic of remarriage, by the way - there will be a time for me to have some deep conversations with trusted Christian friends, as you suggest! But your words (and the work of Single Minded more generally) have provided both comfort to me in my times of grief, and encouragement to persevere in my walk with Christ.
This was a powerful series of posts, Dani. I am thankfully not in a place where I am having to consider the messy ethics of divorce/remarriage in my own life, but of course I know people in the church who suffer in these ways, and this post seems highly sensible and sensitive. I will certainly be returning to this series to read it through again and get all the nuances. I really appreciate how your proposed reading makes better sense of Jesus' different 'types' of eunuchs, as well.
This is a tangential question, but one I've been meaning to ask you for a long time:
What is your take on Paul's teachings about sex in marriage in 1 Cor. 7:1-5? I am curious about Paul's instructions that married couples should "not deprive one another" for too long lest they fall into sexual immorality. This seems to fit with the "usual reading" that says (per the BCP) that "marriage is a remedy against sin." I find the "usual reading" of 1 Cor. 7:6-9 really dissatisfying and disconcerting, and like your read on it, but haven't quite figured out where this preceding passage fits in the puzzle of reinterpretation. Thoughts?