Every unmarried Christian who shared with me their thoughts about this TGC article spotted the undercurrents that ran beneath it. Even as we felt genuinely encouraged by the author's desire to bring singleness into shore, to give it a welcoming landing on the beach of contemporary evangelicalism, when we lifted our eyes at the end of the article we realised that we had still been carried a long way out by those almost invisible undercurrents.
Thank you, I found this really helpful. I find it so hard to articulate sometimes the problem of 'usefulness'. Again and again I've found myself encouraged that I should do more so that I'm contributing to community, but it always feels like an unspoken agreement that single people should have more time and therefore do more of the things that need doing in community but the extra burden of service is often not accompanied by inclusion. So it often doesn't feel like being part of a community where we all contribute and all participate, it feels like a community where the requirement to contribute falls more on single people and the invitation to participate goes to married people.
I've also frequently encountered the undercurrent of prosperity thinking. People who say they never found their partner until they gave up and just focussed on Jesus, as though this were some secret law of the universe. There's a caricature that all unmarried Christian males are sat around playing video games. I never have played video games, and I spent all of my twenties and thirties serving in every role from welcome team, to youth leader, to pastor, to cleaning up. Some people just haven't found a spouse and that's okay. We're not damaged or lazy or less than anyone else. I understand there's proportionally less single men, but that doesn't mean all of us are sat around playing video games, refusing to serve our churches, and ignoring lots of eligible women.
Well this married reader definitely doesn't think you are overreacting or reading too much into it. I'm cringing at some of the article's comments. It's depressing to think that the church's attitude to singleness is such that this TGC article counts as a 'positive' one on the topic...
Agree with the undercurrents you highlighted. Gosh, it is super hard to get away from the idea that marriage is superior, it’s so ingrained in our hearts and minds. Excited about starting your book this week!
I always love reading your thoughts on articles about singleness. Your book was my favourite nonfiction book I read last year and I greatly appreciate your writing.
I’m a magazine editor for a conservative Christian organization. About 15 years ago I did an entire issue on the single missionaries who serve with us. As a longtime single, I wanted to open married people’s eyes about little-understood issues singles face. The idea got lukewarm approval , but even then I was forced to pull two quotes from singles about specific challenges of singleness. Our admins thought they would make married people uncomfortable (thinking nothing of how uncomfortable singles feel when marriage issues are championed).
The process wasn’t fun to push against the culture, but recently a new era of admins (not knowing about that magazine issue) suggested I do an issue on singles. I’ve had to realize that it takes a long time to turn around a big ship, but as we as singles project our inherent dignity in a non confrontational way, mindsets can change. I’m grateful for more changes I’ve seen in the last few years.
That sounds like the beginning of an interesting conversation. I think you interpret that passage completely wrongly. And I do believe that you sort of overemphasise one man in discussing what has been a common belief of at least the reformed Church since it existed.
Lol. If you would like to continue the conversation then you’ll need to make more of a contribution than “I’m not going to actually engage with any part of your argument other than to say you are obviously wrong”. That’s not a conversation. It’s an unsupported pronouncement.
Well, my experience in the past is that a lot of people are, like, “I don’t want to talk about it’.
So, just a touch to get started, a couple of points:
1) Marriage is expressly commanded in several areas. So what the church should be doing with their unmarried members is… getting them married.
2) I think the dozens of commentators that have written on this over the ages, including the one you quote (similar quotes are found in dozens of important church statements), is:
a) Marriage is ordained
b) Marriage accomplishes the following things.
They write this as ‘marriage is ordained to…’… but that form seems to be confusing. I think it is best addressed by breaking the statement into its parts. Thus marriage is ordained. Marriage accomplishes dozens of things, one of which is (as taught in I Cor 7 and Proverbs 5) an antidote to sexual temptation (if used right, again, see Proverbs 5). It also accomplishes (see Genesis 1 and 2) the issues of dominion, the issue of reproduction (references to numerous to list), companionship, lines of paternity in God’s providence (see ‘Son of David’) etc.
Our modern age, and church, ignores this at its peril.
Thank you, I found this really helpful. I find it so hard to articulate sometimes the problem of 'usefulness'. Again and again I've found myself encouraged that I should do more so that I'm contributing to community, but it always feels like an unspoken agreement that single people should have more time and therefore do more of the things that need doing in community but the extra burden of service is often not accompanied by inclusion. So it often doesn't feel like being part of a community where we all contribute and all participate, it feels like a community where the requirement to contribute falls more on single people and the invitation to participate goes to married people.
I've also frequently encountered the undercurrent of prosperity thinking. People who say they never found their partner until they gave up and just focussed on Jesus, as though this were some secret law of the universe. There's a caricature that all unmarried Christian males are sat around playing video games. I never have played video games, and I spent all of my twenties and thirties serving in every role from welcome team, to youth leader, to pastor, to cleaning up. Some people just haven't found a spouse and that's okay. We're not damaged or lazy or less than anyone else. I understand there's proportionally less single men, but that doesn't mean all of us are sat around playing video games, refusing to serve our churches, and ignoring lots of eligible women.
Well this married reader definitely doesn't think you are overreacting or reading too much into it. I'm cringing at some of the article's comments. It's depressing to think that the church's attitude to singleness is such that this TGC article counts as a 'positive' one on the topic...
Agree with the undercurrents you highlighted. Gosh, it is super hard to get away from the idea that marriage is superior, it’s so ingrained in our hearts and minds. Excited about starting your book this week!
I always love reading your thoughts on articles about singleness. Your book was my favourite nonfiction book I read last year and I greatly appreciate your writing.
I’m a magazine editor for a conservative Christian organization. About 15 years ago I did an entire issue on the single missionaries who serve with us. As a longtime single, I wanted to open married people’s eyes about little-understood issues singles face. The idea got lukewarm approval , but even then I was forced to pull two quotes from singles about specific challenges of singleness. Our admins thought they would make married people uncomfortable (thinking nothing of how uncomfortable singles feel when marriage issues are championed).
The process wasn’t fun to push against the culture, but recently a new era of admins (not knowing about that magazine issue) suggested I do an issue on singles. I’ve had to realize that it takes a long time to turn around a big ship, but as we as singles project our inherent dignity in a non confrontational way, mindsets can change. I’m grateful for more changes I’ve seen in the last few years.
1Cor 7:2
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
https://writing.danielletreweek.com/p/is-marriage-a-remedy-against-sin?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
That sounds like the beginning of an interesting conversation. I think you interpret that passage completely wrongly. And I do believe that you sort of overemphasise one man in discussing what has been a common belief of at least the reformed Church since it existed.
Would love to continue the conversation.
Lol. If you would like to continue the conversation then you’ll need to make more of a contribution than “I’m not going to actually engage with any part of your argument other than to say you are obviously wrong”. That’s not a conversation. It’s an unsupported pronouncement.
Well, my experience in the past is that a lot of people are, like, “I don’t want to talk about it’.
So, just a touch to get started, a couple of points:
1) Marriage is expressly commanded in several areas. So what the church should be doing with their unmarried members is… getting them married.
2) I think the dozens of commentators that have written on this over the ages, including the one you quote (similar quotes are found in dozens of important church statements), is:
a) Marriage is ordained
b) Marriage accomplishes the following things.
They write this as ‘marriage is ordained to…’… but that form seems to be confusing. I think it is best addressed by breaking the statement into its parts. Thus marriage is ordained. Marriage accomplishes dozens of things, one of which is (as taught in I Cor 7 and Proverbs 5) an antidote to sexual temptation (if used right, again, see Proverbs 5). It also accomplishes (see Genesis 1 and 2) the issues of dominion, the issue of reproduction (references to numerous to list), companionship, lines of paternity in God’s providence (see ‘Son of David’) etc.
Our modern age, and church, ignores this at its peril.
Great work!