Every unmarried Christian who shared with me their thoughts about this TGC article spotted the undercurrents that ran beneath it. Even as we felt genuinely encouraged by the author's desire to bring singleness into shore, to give it a welcoming landing on the beach of contemporary evangelicalism, when we lifted our eyes at the end of the article we realised that we had still been carried a long way out by those almost invisible undercurrents.
Well this married reader definitely doesn't think you are overreacting or reading too much into it. I'm cringing at some of the article's comments. It's depressing to think that the church's attitude to singleness is such that this TGC article counts as a 'positive' one on the topic...
Thank you, I found this really helpful. I find it so hard to articulate sometimes the problem of 'usefulness'. Again and again I've found myself encouraged that I should do more so that I'm contributing to community, but it always feels like an unspoken agreement that single people should have more time and therefore do more of the things that need doing in community but the extra burden of service is often not accompanied by inclusion. So it often doesn't feel like being part of a community where we all contribute and all participate, it feels like a community where the requirement to contribute falls more on single people and the invitation to participate goes to married people.
I've also frequently encountered the undercurrent of prosperity thinking. People who say they never found their partner until they gave up and just focussed on Jesus, as though this were some secret law of the universe. There's a caricature that all unmarried Christian males are sat around playing video games. I never have played video games, and I spent all of my twenties and thirties serving in every role from welcome team, to youth leader, to pastor, to cleaning up. Some people just haven't found a spouse and that's okay. We're not damaged or lazy or less than anyone else. I understand there's proportionally less single men, but that doesn't mean all of us are sat around playing video games, refusing to serve our churches, and ignoring lots of eligible women.
I always love reading your thoughts on articles about singleness. Your book was my favourite nonfiction book I read last year and I greatly appreciate your writing.
Agree with the undercurrents you highlighted. Gosh, it is super hard to get away from the idea that marriage is superior, it’s so ingrained in our hearts and minds. Excited about starting your book this week!
I’m a magazine editor for a conservative Christian organization. About 15 years ago I did an entire issue on the single missionaries who serve with us. As a longtime single, I wanted to open married people’s eyes about little-understood issues singles face. The idea got lukewarm approval , but even then I was forced to pull two quotes from singles about specific challenges of singleness. Our admins thought they would make married people uncomfortable (thinking nothing of how uncomfortable singles feel when marriage issues are championed).
The process wasn’t fun to push against the culture, but recently a new era of admins (not knowing about that magazine issue) suggested I do an issue on singles. I’ve had to realize that it takes a long time to turn around a big ship, but as we as singles project our inherent dignity in a non confrontational way, mindsets can change. I’m grateful for more changes I’ve seen in the last few years.
Well this married reader definitely doesn't think you are overreacting or reading too much into it. I'm cringing at some of the article's comments. It's depressing to think that the church's attitude to singleness is such that this TGC article counts as a 'positive' one on the topic...
Thank you, I found this really helpful. I find it so hard to articulate sometimes the problem of 'usefulness'. Again and again I've found myself encouraged that I should do more so that I'm contributing to community, but it always feels like an unspoken agreement that single people should have more time and therefore do more of the things that need doing in community but the extra burden of service is often not accompanied by inclusion. So it often doesn't feel like being part of a community where we all contribute and all participate, it feels like a community where the requirement to contribute falls more on single people and the invitation to participate goes to married people.
I've also frequently encountered the undercurrent of prosperity thinking. People who say they never found their partner until they gave up and just focussed on Jesus, as though this were some secret law of the universe. There's a caricature that all unmarried Christian males are sat around playing video games. I never have played video games, and I spent all of my twenties and thirties serving in every role from welcome team, to youth leader, to pastor, to cleaning up. Some people just haven't found a spouse and that's okay. We're not damaged or lazy or less than anyone else. I understand there's proportionally less single men, but that doesn't mean all of us are sat around playing video games, refusing to serve our churches, and ignoring lots of eligible women.
I always love reading your thoughts on articles about singleness. Your book was my favourite nonfiction book I read last year and I greatly appreciate your writing.
Agree with the undercurrents you highlighted. Gosh, it is super hard to get away from the idea that marriage is superior, it’s so ingrained in our hearts and minds. Excited about starting your book this week!
I’m a magazine editor for a conservative Christian organization. About 15 years ago I did an entire issue on the single missionaries who serve with us. As a longtime single, I wanted to open married people’s eyes about little-understood issues singles face. The idea got lukewarm approval , but even then I was forced to pull two quotes from singles about specific challenges of singleness. Our admins thought they would make married people uncomfortable (thinking nothing of how uncomfortable singles feel when marriage issues are championed).
The process wasn’t fun to push against the culture, but recently a new era of admins (not knowing about that magazine issue) suggested I do an issue on singles. I’ve had to realize that it takes a long time to turn around a big ship, but as we as singles project our inherent dignity in a non confrontational way, mindsets can change. I’m grateful for more changes I’ve seen in the last few years.
Great work!