If you yourself are married then there is a chance you may have missed that subtle distinction. But I can assure you very few of us singles missed it. No siree. Those opening lines slapped us right across the face. We immediately knew what the vibe of the rest of the article was going to be...
"This one article is simultaneously both an outworking of the existing vibe of the thing and a contributor to the ongoing vibe of the thing."
This is golden; thank you! You've put into words all the passing thoughts I had (as a happily single woman) when I read this article. I felt the uncomfortable "vibe of the thing," dealt with the stings of the little phrases implicitly slighting singles, and moved on with my day, mildly discouraged. But your response has left me *en*couraged.
Certainly an interesting story, first I've ever heard of this.
Personally, at first, my own reaction was wondering whether the tone of this really mattered all that much, though. I mean, lots of singles find singleness difficult, and lots of them would rather want to be married. Nothing wrong that.
Personally, I didn't quite get that vibe from this story. It seems more like a highlight of an unusual story that challenges some stereotypes about married Christians. Many, perhaps most Christian adults, are married, and marry young. In my experience, all the pastors I've ever met are married, and married young.
"When was the last time you heard a congregation member ponder how their pastor who married at the age of 21 was possibly going to be able to teach the never-married, the divorced or the widowed members of the congregation about singleness?"
I'm sure many Christian churchgoers ponder questions like these. I certainly have. In my experience, however, I don't openly raise these questions. I just stew about it on the inside. As a Christian single, you bottle up a lot of pain, rather than openly express it. I'm sure many singles do.
Do you have to "find your satisfaction in Jesus" before getting married? This is something you hear a lot as a Christian single. But Jesus doesn't fulfill all of our desires, does He? In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul talks about singles who "burn with passion" and he recommends that these people marry. Not find their "fulfillment" or "satisfaction" in Jesus. If Jesus was able to satisfy our desire for marriage, why would any Christian ever bother getting married?
Personally, I'm single, but this article didn't really annoy me all that much. Then again, I have my own desires for marriage, and no desire to be single. But, yes, I certainly don't subscribe to the idea that you have to be married to grow as a Christian. At the time of writing this , I'm 30, and have grown a lot as a Christian. But I've never been married.
"Concerning that one particular quote ("If Steve is so great, why isn’t he married already?") I think this is likely just a reference to someone who desires marriage, and someone who has qualities you would want in a spouse, being unmarried. Not surprising that people may wonder about that.
I do relate to all those comments you highlighted, though.
Really helpful reflections. As a 37 year old single pastor I heartily agree with these critiques.
"This one article is simultaneously both an outworking of the existing vibe of the thing and a contributor to the ongoing vibe of the thing."
This is golden; thank you! You've put into words all the passing thoughts I had (as a happily single woman) when I read this article. I felt the uncomfortable "vibe of the thing," dealt with the stings of the little phrases implicitly slighting singles, and moved on with my day, mildly discouraged. But your response has left me *en*couraged.
So glad to hear it!
Certainly an interesting story, first I've ever heard of this.
Personally, at first, my own reaction was wondering whether the tone of this really mattered all that much, though. I mean, lots of singles find singleness difficult, and lots of them would rather want to be married. Nothing wrong that.
Personally, I didn't quite get that vibe from this story. It seems more like a highlight of an unusual story that challenges some stereotypes about married Christians. Many, perhaps most Christian adults, are married, and marry young. In my experience, all the pastors I've ever met are married, and married young.
"When was the last time you heard a congregation member ponder how their pastor who married at the age of 21 was possibly going to be able to teach the never-married, the divorced or the widowed members of the congregation about singleness?"
I'm sure many Christian churchgoers ponder questions like these. I certainly have. In my experience, however, I don't openly raise these questions. I just stew about it on the inside. As a Christian single, you bottle up a lot of pain, rather than openly express it. I'm sure many singles do.
Do you have to "find your satisfaction in Jesus" before getting married? This is something you hear a lot as a Christian single. But Jesus doesn't fulfill all of our desires, does He? In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul talks about singles who "burn with passion" and he recommends that these people marry. Not find their "fulfillment" or "satisfaction" in Jesus. If Jesus was able to satisfy our desire for marriage, why would any Christian ever bother getting married?
Personally, I'm single, but this article didn't really annoy me all that much. Then again, I have my own desires for marriage, and no desire to be single. But, yes, I certainly don't subscribe to the idea that you have to be married to grow as a Christian. At the time of writing this , I'm 30, and have grown a lot as a Christian. But I've never been married.
"Concerning that one particular quote ("If Steve is so great, why isn’t he married already?") I think this is likely just a reference to someone who desires marriage, and someone who has qualities you would want in a spouse, being unmarried. Not surprising that people may wonder about that.
I do relate to all those comments you highlighted, though.
Oh I am with you Dani! Totally. It's subtle but like you said, us singles can spot those unhelpful tones straight away.