What opposite-sex attracted Christian has set foot in a place over & over again despite feeling unwelcome? At this point, I imagined the majority of never-married, divorced and widowed opposite-sex attracted Christian men and women quietly raising their hand from their spot in the corner of the church or from their inconspicuous seat there in the back row of chairs.
I know this preacher quite well, and what he is doing here is something he often does: Playfully challenging his audience to rethink their stance. Andy Stanley doesn't really think that the only Christians showing quiet forbearance and a Christlike attitude in church are gays! He is employing hyperbole as a technique to stir up and challenge a particular demographic: Those in danger of considering themselves "good Christians". It's a deliberate way of helping such people to look outside themselves (and outside their own "comfort zone") by considering Godliness in someone they'd regard as "other" - or possibly outside the kingdom altogether.
Much like Jesus did when he told about the Pharisee and the sinner going to the temple to pray. Or when he told his story about the "Good Samaritan". We easily form cliques and clans, yet Jesus constantly insists that we don't.
🤔😕 maybe SSA etc & single people should be as one in the church (as should everyone) because it is hard to feel all alone in a gathering of people meant to be your family... maybe my parents etc where better at this than us I drove my mum & my boys four hours
And half to a birthday party of some one who was single when I was growing but a very important part of our family....we are starting small but praying my boys have the same prefably bigger experience of a (wide) family
My wife was 39 when we married. It was the 1st time for her, the 2nd (and last) for me. She experienced exactly what you describe. Except double. In the USA we have Mother's Day. You see, my wife is infertile. We skip church on Mother's Day. And on just about any Sunday featuring some kind of kiddy program. I imagine the other infertile women feel the same way. I can only imagine the pain of singleness and infertility together. My wife wrote a book about her experience called, "No One to Call Me Mommy".
NCLS data (from 2018, I think. I don’t have it in front of me right now. It will be interesting to see the more recent data when it comes out) puts unmarried (including never married, divorced and widowed) at approx 33% of Christian congregations. It’s remarkably consistent across denominations. My “at least 25% ‘straight’ singles ” allows up to 8% of that number being same-sex attracted. I think that’s probably an overly generous allowance given the low statistical prevalence in the wider community and also that (going from memory) over 10% of the 33% of singles have been married before (Ie. Are presumably not same/sex attracted, or at least not exclusively so).
Wonderful article, I’m so incredibly sorry that you’ve been made to feel invisible. When my wife and I got married we were heartbroken to find that our single friends assumed that they might not see us anymore, or that we would be less likely to invite them round. We had an “open-blind” policy, which meant that if our blinds on the front end of the house were open, anyone could knock on the window and come in for food, company, silence, discipleship, advice, books, etc. 99% of the people who came through our door were single, I hope in our small way we helped to make sure they didn’t feel invisible.
Thanks so much brother :) In God's kindness, I've rarely felt personally invisible in the churches and relationships I've been a part of. But I know that my story is not the usual one. The vast majority of singles have had much more distressing experiences and these anecdotal stories are given further weight by what the evangelical discourse itself so often has to say on singleness.
Thank your for loving all your friends - single and married - so thoughtfully and intentionally :)
I know this preacher quite well, and what he is doing here is something he often does: Playfully challenging his audience to rethink their stance. Andy Stanley doesn't really think that the only Christians showing quiet forbearance and a Christlike attitude in church are gays! He is employing hyperbole as a technique to stir up and challenge a particular demographic: Those in danger of considering themselves "good Christians". It's a deliberate way of helping such people to look outside themselves (and outside their own "comfort zone") by considering Godliness in someone they'd regard as "other" - or possibly outside the kingdom altogether.
Much like Jesus did when he told about the Pharisee and the sinner going to the temple to pray. Or when he told his story about the "Good Samaritan". We easily form cliques and clans, yet Jesus constantly insists that we don't.
🤔😕 maybe SSA etc & single people should be as one in the church (as should everyone) because it is hard to feel all alone in a gathering of people meant to be your family... maybe my parents etc where better at this than us I drove my mum & my boys four hours
And half to a birthday party of some one who was single when I was growing but a very important part of our family....we are starting small but praying my boys have the same prefably bigger experience of a (wide) family
My wife was 39 when we married. It was the 1st time for her, the 2nd (and last) for me. She experienced exactly what you describe. Except double. In the USA we have Mother's Day. You see, my wife is infertile. We skip church on Mother's Day. And on just about any Sunday featuring some kind of kiddy program. I imagine the other infertile women feel the same way. I can only imagine the pain of singleness and infertility together. My wife wrote a book about her experience called, "No One to Call Me Mommy".
Thanks Dani.
I’m wondering where that 25% figure comes from?
NCLS data (from 2018, I think. I don’t have it in front of me right now. It will be interesting to see the more recent data when it comes out) puts unmarried (including never married, divorced and widowed) at approx 33% of Christian congregations. It’s remarkably consistent across denominations. My “at least 25% ‘straight’ singles ” allows up to 8% of that number being same-sex attracted. I think that’s probably an overly generous allowance given the low statistical prevalence in the wider community and also that (going from memory) over 10% of the 33% of singles have been married before (Ie. Are presumably not same/sex attracted, or at least not exclusively so).
Wonderful article, I’m so incredibly sorry that you’ve been made to feel invisible. When my wife and I got married we were heartbroken to find that our single friends assumed that they might not see us anymore, or that we would be less likely to invite them round. We had an “open-blind” policy, which meant that if our blinds on the front end of the house were open, anyone could knock on the window and come in for food, company, silence, discipleship, advice, books, etc. 99% of the people who came through our door were single, I hope in our small way we helped to make sure they didn’t feel invisible.
Thanks so much brother :) In God's kindness, I've rarely felt personally invisible in the churches and relationships I've been a part of. But I know that my story is not the usual one. The vast majority of singles have had much more distressing experiences and these anecdotal stories are given further weight by what the evangelical discourse itself so often has to say on singleness.
Thank your for loving all your friends - single and married - so thoughtfully and intentionally :)
*We decided, therefore, to have an “open-blind...”