Have you heard people saying the eunuch passage of Mt 19:10-12 is all about Jesus endorsing intentionally chosen, never-married, vocational singleness as a kingdom ideal for a select few? What if we’ve been reading it wrong? (Spoiler: We have been...)
Not sure I'm convinced of your opinion about this passage.
However, I do admire and respect [and am a bit jealous of] your writing ability.
My reason for questioning this is that it seems like one of those situations God lets me handle that I can't imagine ever handling! The world assures me that the intolerable shouldn't be tolerated, but sometimes God lets me tolerate it anyway.
For instance, I've been fired and declared disabled, but still have 4 kids at home. My wife, who's 53, had to go back to work, working nights, to support us. It's a very great struggle to be positive and a good parent right now, and if I ever am it's because God's helping.
Can't say exactly how God helps in the situation you describe: but I know He's helped me when there was no hope.
So we can't interpret scripture based on what's humanly possible.
Hi, Dani. I'm also kinda on another outsider angle concerning this choice versus circumstance dilemma. I know it is kind of harsh to read the comments when the easiest things to highlight are the disagreements, so I almost decided not to speak; but as a first timer, I think I will at least see how it goes.
There is also still more you have left to say, which will be in part 3. I hope that answers on some of these comments again, or if you reply directly, this is still an area i struggle with, though i struggle more confidently than i used to, yet my mind is open to scrutiny and change, and I hope my writings don't completely close that understanding off for you of what my mind is really like at a foundational level.
I believe there is some error in saying that God says we require or need marriage in the sense it seems to be often understood. Tons of verses could be given for both sides of that, but ultimately we do not actually require marriage as an automatic given. Choices and life situations take place which make a man or woman, and either render that person to be more wise to marry, or more wise to stay single. And then even on that level, some people who would be better off being married to a good marriage are not presented options for a "good" marriage, and if their options for marriage are not good (good in terms of equal spiritual yoke, or virtuously spiritually wise type of good) , then again, they are better off not married, and should remain unmarried, at least until a good option does come along. If every Christian were presented only bad options, Christians would start to hopefully see that everyone can indeed make it without marriage if they simply maintained a solid relationship with God, no matter how strong their bodily functions should oppose them. God simply does not require marriage for anyone, but he does recommend it to some, and not to others. But not to anyone before the good options can be found. I don't know how you take I Cor. 7, I guess I haven't read you enough if you have written on it. But the tipping point is kinda after the two have already met and bonded. Of course, we cannot, and should not prevent good strong bonds, specifically if they are toward spiritual good, and not toward spiritual hinderance. Some bodily functions are pretty extreme, and can make these bonds dangerous to leave in their current direction without a resolution in either marriage or cutting back on the friendship strength, and at that point, some are recommended to marry if it is good, after that requirement point. If the requirement point is not assumed and the friendship seems like it can go on without things being so risky, Paul says it is better to just stay in the unmarried friendship type, because of course, the availability to God and lack of danger to us is assumed.
This comment is continued in the replies section...
However, all of us are born unmarried, and some of us stay that way for reasons God knows is best for them concerning their relationship with him. That first group is clearly open to marriage, but so far just has not married, because the option hasn't come.
Some are made targets, and anyone they try to marry, somehow men make it impossible because of threats of death or because they had to go to war and wait until after that to marry, or they were exiled to some place where the two never would be able to marry, etc...,
...but I don't think that is just that men simply made you a eunuch because they didn't choose you, and therefore it is supposedly impossible for you to marry right now. No, I think you are in the first group. Because men still can marry you, but you just haven't really fit their bill, or they didn't fit yours. If you went for a lower choice, I'm sure you could marry, but then again, I believe you have righteously and wisely chosen to not go for such worldly measures.
The third group is easy to understand I guess.
But going back to the I Cor. 7 passage at the end specifically, that tipping point is important to understand, and unless that point comes up in life, it seems as though every encouragement in the Bible is to honor the ideals and institution of marriage, but to be simultaneously completely grateful for what gift we have at our present time, and not attempting to change from singleness to married, or from married to single, as God has set us for the moment. There is a circumstance issue involved, but it is smaller than the choice issue. And what about the verses like "I can do all things..." and "there is no temptation...[that we cannot overcome]" I Cor. 10:13?
You did mention this in your article, about how unbelievers are just not able to "receive it." But every Believer, I believe, Biblically can (they can do all things through Christ), and it comes down to not only immediate choices, but a lifelong history of choices.
But then again, (situation 1) God can turn someone who has made every choice in the direction of trying to be tipped over the point, into either a position where they never marry, or where they wreck their lives because the feelings of marriage were higher than the availability and service priorities to God specifically, and they went for a lower choice because they made decisions which made that more and more possible. Or perhaps, they get married having such values, and somehow by God's grace in spite of their ignorance or possible selfishness, God gives them a marriage that is revivable toward more holy [set apart] unto God priorities.
And (situation 2), if a person makes every decision in their life toward remaining single, not specifically to remain single, but for the more central goal of giving God all the attention and honor and service they can, knowing singleness is helpful in that except if they come to the tipping point issue, God can take even such a person, if they are not being selfish in the matter, but simply holy (set apart), make him a strong friend with someone, and bond it so strongly, and send them to that tipping point where the wise choice is to marry, whereby God should enable them to do more for God than they ever had potential otherwise, on top of the pleasures of marriage being made that much holier and wonderful. And at such a point, they would rightly not be wise or even rational to consider going back to single, even for the advantages that singleness can give for service to God. Why? Because that consideration was decided as holily as it ever could in the decision to marry in the first place.
Maybe some have been praying to stay single out there who have not considered that might be mature in one sense, but immature in another.
There was a man who once prayed to be single. But later, he understood that although his motives were righteous then, with some time, he learned it was immature to continue praying exactly like that. Instead, he just prayed for God to mold him any way He could to make him more like Christ, whether that's to marriage or not. And he struggled with the matter a lot because basically everyone, but thankfully not everyone, around him said not only that he would be required to marry if he was going to do whatever he thought God was leading him towards, but they also said that he was the type of person that they couldn't imagine not needing marriage, on several levels. Those things didn't necessarily get to decide his future though. His choices and his God directed that, however scary or comforting that became toward his natural desires, or altered desires.
I like your work on understanding the Matthew 19 passage, and what it means from both sides. Jesus saying what He said in verse 12 wouldn't have the same weight in the conversation he was having at that time as the previous saying, I agree. But Paul later shows up to declare that verse 12 side of things further, while Jesus had taken care of the vs. 3-9 side in his own words. So, kinda all the angles were covered, but not completely provable in the one passage alone.
It was mentioned that we would have to choose between two diminished types of a God if this "usual" reading were correct on the principles that it was better to remain married if possible.
My view isn't exactly the usual reading i guess, but for single people, all of them excluding those that are on that tipping requirement point, it is not a matter of choosing between diminished types of a God, either unloving, or not sovereign. In fact, God's love is simply beyond your understanding to appreciate it properly, which of course we all struggle with, including me for certain. I am often caught in thoughts of coveting to position of marriage and the life of a "normal" or "ideal" Christian in terms of this world. But I shouldn't covet, I should appreciate it for others, but be satisfied for what i have more than any other setting i might think i should have. God is more loving, and more sovereign, not less in this view.
But then again, I really am not sure on the issue as much as I would like to be, and am looking forward to hearing more about it. About how the usual reading and my reading maybe differ, and how all views would affect our view of who God is.
Honestly, it seems like the view that you have to live wanting marriage but not receiving sounds a little depressing. Hope deferred maketh the heart sick. If marriage is not directly linked with a better relationship with God, I'd think that a view of this new reading (if you maintain the depressing attitude) toward God would sound like He is less loving indeed, because He would be doing it knowing you have no better attitudes or values or plans to turn to, when really you probably do. But that would just be for people in the first two groups, who have the depressing attitude. If the heart sickining attitude can be substituted for a grateful and set apart type attitude, the first two groups are not necessarily depressed, but happy, as it says at the end of I Cor. 7, which by the way, was talking about a group of people which included those who wanted marriage to some degree naturally, including widows who had been married once before, and if their husbands died very early, they now probably crave more than they otherwise would have if they had never married.
I also have changed my beliefs to allowing for divorce and remarriage, and not calling it adultery in certain exception cases, and have recently advised a person to stop trying to remarry his former wife who divorced him, but who now wants to try again, so if you can direct me to your research, I would definitely reconsider, because that's where i came from. I have a preference for considering where I came from more than the things that came later, if i had to choose one more than the other, generally speaking.
Very long, well maybe long, i guess. Thanks for your attention and interest in the details.
Hi Dani, I really appreciate this part of what you wrote:
“the ‘usual reading’ demands we leave the other two types of eunuchs—me, and others like me—in no-man’s land. God hasn’t ‘given’ us the ability/willingness/capacity/empowerment of lifelong singleness. But, despite our earnest prayers and longings, neither has he given us the necessary alternative—a spouse.
This means God is either unloving. Or God is not sovereign.
Which diminished God do we prefer? A God who chooses to deny his children something he says they require? Or a God who is unable to provide his children with something he says they require?”
If the choice is between only those two alternatives — an unloving God, or a God who is not sovereign — then that’s an indication that either something has gone wrong in the steps of logical reasoning, or that some pieces of data have been overlooked, or that further information may be needed before the logic and the data can all stack up and be consistent with what we know about the character and attributes of God.
Gavin’s comment highlights one of these things, namely, that God in His sovereignty may put us through experiences that seem humanly intolerable, and yet His purposes in doing that cannot be construed as Him being unloving toward us.
I’m not saying “that’s it, so suck it up sister!” (see my next paragraph). I’m only saying this to encourage us to keep our minds open to other possibilities / further information / further developments in our lived experiences which may help us better understand the conundrums and the paradoxes.
I myself have lived long periods of my adult life in circumstantially-imposed singleness, having had to escape not one but two abusive marriages. I would have far preferred to have been married to a man who treated me with respect.
And by the way, I disagree with the view you expressed that “marriage is indissoluble”.
Not sure I'm convinced of your opinion about this passage.
However, I do admire and respect [and am a bit jealous of] your writing ability.
My reason for questioning this is that it seems like one of those situations God lets me handle that I can't imagine ever handling! The world assures me that the intolerable shouldn't be tolerated, but sometimes God lets me tolerate it anyway.
For instance, I've been fired and declared disabled, but still have 4 kids at home. My wife, who's 53, had to go back to work, working nights, to support us. It's a very great struggle to be positive and a good parent right now, and if I ever am it's because God's helping.
Can't say exactly how God helps in the situation you describe: but I know He's helped me when there was no hope.
So we can't interpret scripture based on what's humanly possible.
Hi, Dani. I'm also kinda on another outsider angle concerning this choice versus circumstance dilemma. I know it is kind of harsh to read the comments when the easiest things to highlight are the disagreements, so I almost decided not to speak; but as a first timer, I think I will at least see how it goes.
There is also still more you have left to say, which will be in part 3. I hope that answers on some of these comments again, or if you reply directly, this is still an area i struggle with, though i struggle more confidently than i used to, yet my mind is open to scrutiny and change, and I hope my writings don't completely close that understanding off for you of what my mind is really like at a foundational level.
I believe there is some error in saying that God says we require or need marriage in the sense it seems to be often understood. Tons of verses could be given for both sides of that, but ultimately we do not actually require marriage as an automatic given. Choices and life situations take place which make a man or woman, and either render that person to be more wise to marry, or more wise to stay single. And then even on that level, some people who would be better off being married to a good marriage are not presented options for a "good" marriage, and if their options for marriage are not good (good in terms of equal spiritual yoke, or virtuously spiritually wise type of good) , then again, they are better off not married, and should remain unmarried, at least until a good option does come along. If every Christian were presented only bad options, Christians would start to hopefully see that everyone can indeed make it without marriage if they simply maintained a solid relationship with God, no matter how strong their bodily functions should oppose them. God simply does not require marriage for anyone, but he does recommend it to some, and not to others. But not to anyone before the good options can be found. I don't know how you take I Cor. 7, I guess I haven't read you enough if you have written on it. But the tipping point is kinda after the two have already met and bonded. Of course, we cannot, and should not prevent good strong bonds, specifically if they are toward spiritual good, and not toward spiritual hinderance. Some bodily functions are pretty extreme, and can make these bonds dangerous to leave in their current direction without a resolution in either marriage or cutting back on the friendship strength, and at that point, some are recommended to marry if it is good, after that requirement point. If the requirement point is not assumed and the friendship seems like it can go on without things being so risky, Paul says it is better to just stay in the unmarried friendship type, because of course, the availability to God and lack of danger to us is assumed.
This comment is continued in the replies section...
However, all of us are born unmarried, and some of us stay that way for reasons God knows is best for them concerning their relationship with him. That first group is clearly open to marriage, but so far just has not married, because the option hasn't come.
Some are made targets, and anyone they try to marry, somehow men make it impossible because of threats of death or because they had to go to war and wait until after that to marry, or they were exiled to some place where the two never would be able to marry, etc...,
...but I don't think that is just that men simply made you a eunuch because they didn't choose you, and therefore it is supposedly impossible for you to marry right now. No, I think you are in the first group. Because men still can marry you, but you just haven't really fit their bill, or they didn't fit yours. If you went for a lower choice, I'm sure you could marry, but then again, I believe you have righteously and wisely chosen to not go for such worldly measures.
The third group is easy to understand I guess.
But going back to the I Cor. 7 passage at the end specifically, that tipping point is important to understand, and unless that point comes up in life, it seems as though every encouragement in the Bible is to honor the ideals and institution of marriage, but to be simultaneously completely grateful for what gift we have at our present time, and not attempting to change from singleness to married, or from married to single, as God has set us for the moment. There is a circumstance issue involved, but it is smaller than the choice issue. And what about the verses like "I can do all things..." and "there is no temptation...[that we cannot overcome]" I Cor. 10:13?
You did mention this in your article, about how unbelievers are just not able to "receive it." But every Believer, I believe, Biblically can (they can do all things through Christ), and it comes down to not only immediate choices, but a lifelong history of choices.
But then again, (situation 1) God can turn someone who has made every choice in the direction of trying to be tipped over the point, into either a position where they never marry, or where they wreck their lives because the feelings of marriage were higher than the availability and service priorities to God specifically, and they went for a lower choice because they made decisions which made that more and more possible. Or perhaps, they get married having such values, and somehow by God's grace in spite of their ignorance or possible selfishness, God gives them a marriage that is revivable toward more holy [set apart] unto God priorities.
And (situation 2), if a person makes every decision in their life toward remaining single, not specifically to remain single, but for the more central goal of giving God all the attention and honor and service they can, knowing singleness is helpful in that except if they come to the tipping point issue, God can take even such a person, if they are not being selfish in the matter, but simply holy (set apart), make him a strong friend with someone, and bond it so strongly, and send them to that tipping point where the wise choice is to marry, whereby God should enable them to do more for God than they ever had potential otherwise, on top of the pleasures of marriage being made that much holier and wonderful. And at such a point, they would rightly not be wise or even rational to consider going back to single, even for the advantages that singleness can give for service to God. Why? Because that consideration was decided as holily as it ever could in the decision to marry in the first place.
Maybe some have been praying to stay single out there who have not considered that might be mature in one sense, but immature in another.
Still continuing....
There was a man who once prayed to be single. But later, he understood that although his motives were righteous then, with some time, he learned it was immature to continue praying exactly like that. Instead, he just prayed for God to mold him any way He could to make him more like Christ, whether that's to marriage or not. And he struggled with the matter a lot because basically everyone, but thankfully not everyone, around him said not only that he would be required to marry if he was going to do whatever he thought God was leading him towards, but they also said that he was the type of person that they couldn't imagine not needing marriage, on several levels. Those things didn't necessarily get to decide his future though. His choices and his God directed that, however scary or comforting that became toward his natural desires, or altered desires.
I like your work on understanding the Matthew 19 passage, and what it means from both sides. Jesus saying what He said in verse 12 wouldn't have the same weight in the conversation he was having at that time as the previous saying, I agree. But Paul later shows up to declare that verse 12 side of things further, while Jesus had taken care of the vs. 3-9 side in his own words. So, kinda all the angles were covered, but not completely provable in the one passage alone.
It was mentioned that we would have to choose between two diminished types of a God if this "usual" reading were correct on the principles that it was better to remain married if possible.
My view isn't exactly the usual reading i guess, but for single people, all of them excluding those that are on that tipping requirement point, it is not a matter of choosing between diminished types of a God, either unloving, or not sovereign. In fact, God's love is simply beyond your understanding to appreciate it properly, which of course we all struggle with, including me for certain. I am often caught in thoughts of coveting to position of marriage and the life of a "normal" or "ideal" Christian in terms of this world. But I shouldn't covet, I should appreciate it for others, but be satisfied for what i have more than any other setting i might think i should have. God is more loving, and more sovereign, not less in this view.
But then again, I really am not sure on the issue as much as I would like to be, and am looking forward to hearing more about it. About how the usual reading and my reading maybe differ, and how all views would affect our view of who God is.
Honestly, it seems like the view that you have to live wanting marriage but not receiving sounds a little depressing. Hope deferred maketh the heart sick. If marriage is not directly linked with a better relationship with God, I'd think that a view of this new reading (if you maintain the depressing attitude) toward God would sound like He is less loving indeed, because He would be doing it knowing you have no better attitudes or values or plans to turn to, when really you probably do. But that would just be for people in the first two groups, who have the depressing attitude. If the heart sickining attitude can be substituted for a grateful and set apart type attitude, the first two groups are not necessarily depressed, but happy, as it says at the end of I Cor. 7, which by the way, was talking about a group of people which included those who wanted marriage to some degree naturally, including widows who had been married once before, and if their husbands died very early, they now probably crave more than they otherwise would have if they had never married.
I also have changed my beliefs to allowing for divorce and remarriage, and not calling it adultery in certain exception cases, and have recently advised a person to stop trying to remarry his former wife who divorced him, but who now wants to try again, so if you can direct me to your research, I would definitely reconsider, because that's where i came from. I have a preference for considering where I came from more than the things that came later, if i had to choose one more than the other, generally speaking.
Very long, well maybe long, i guess. Thanks for your attention and interest in the details.
Continuation ends here.
Hi Dani, I really appreciate this part of what you wrote:
“the ‘usual reading’ demands we leave the other two types of eunuchs—me, and others like me—in no-man’s land. God hasn’t ‘given’ us the ability/willingness/capacity/empowerment of lifelong singleness. But, despite our earnest prayers and longings, neither has he given us the necessary alternative—a spouse.
This means God is either unloving. Or God is not sovereign.
Which diminished God do we prefer? A God who chooses to deny his children something he says they require? Or a God who is unable to provide his children with something he says they require?”
If the choice is between only those two alternatives — an unloving God, or a God who is not sovereign — then that’s an indication that either something has gone wrong in the steps of logical reasoning, or that some pieces of data have been overlooked, or that further information may be needed before the logic and the data can all stack up and be consistent with what we know about the character and attributes of God.
Gavin’s comment highlights one of these things, namely, that God in His sovereignty may put us through experiences that seem humanly intolerable, and yet His purposes in doing that cannot be construed as Him being unloving toward us.
I’m not saying “that’s it, so suck it up sister!” (see my next paragraph). I’m only saying this to encourage us to keep our minds open to other possibilities / further information / further developments in our lived experiences which may help us better understand the conundrums and the paradoxes.
I myself have lived long periods of my adult life in circumstantially-imposed singleness, having had to escape not one but two abusive marriages. I would have far preferred to have been married to a man who treated me with respect.
And by the way, I disagree with the view you expressed that “marriage is indissoluble”.