Staying in our Lane (Part 2)

In my previous post, I argued that while sociological analysis has some relevance for Christian discourse, we should be very careful, even cautious, about using it. And we most certainly should not look to social science to provide the “solutions” needed in Christian ethics.

In this post, I want to continue that discussion by outlining several reasons why the increased prominence of and reliance upon sociology by some Christian leaders and commentators—especially concerning marriage, singleness and family—is highly problematic.

1. Confusing Description With Prescription

Sociological data evidences how things currently are. That is, it describes certain realities (or perceived realities) in the present moment. What it does not inherently do is prescribe a particular course of action in response to those realities or perceived realities.

To move from how things are to how they should be, we must apply an external framework of morals or values to the sociological data. This framework allows us to interpret the sociological findings in and for our own context and then determine an appropriate ethical course of action based on that interpretation.

To see this in action, lets consider our topic of happiness in marriage compared to singleness.

As I discussed in my previous post, some recent sociological research indicates that spouses and parents self-report substantially higher degrees of personal flourishing than those who are single and childless. More and more Christians are utilising this data as a kind of proof for what they believe is the obvious way things should be in light of how they currently are. Brett McCracken provides an example of this in his TCG article:

But research shows that getting married, far from a hindrance to financial stability, is one of the best things you can do to gain long-term financial health. Further, as Brad Wilcox helpfully summarizes in Get Married, marriage is positively correlated with happiness, better mental and physical health, and various other measures of flourishing.

As a Single Man, I Felt Little Pressure to Get Married. I Wish I Had

In other words, because sociological findings evidence that marriage has better measurable outcomes than singleness in our present cultural context, then single Christians (Brett’s focus is particularly on men) ought to be more proactive in their pursuit of marriage and even “pressured” by others towards it. The formula is a straightforward one.

Marriage = Greater all round happiness ∴ Get married

We’ll return to the question of happiness and its prioritisation in a little bit. But for the moment, think about the context in which these sociological findings have been drawn.

• We live in a culture (and a church) that has, for many decades and even centuries, idealised romantic and sexual partnering as necessary for personal flourishing and authenticity. (See Chapters One & Two of my book for an extended discussion of this)

• We compulsorily participate in an economy that places unmarried people at a very significant financial disadvantage across the course of their lifetime.

• We belong to a society whose internally focused and atomised household structures leave those who live alone or do not have close family support, especially vulnerable to worse mental and physical health outcomes.

And so, is it any wonder those most benefitted by that culture, economy and society report higher levels of happiness, financial security and health within it? The logic of the sociological formula is self-reliant.

Furthermore, the increasingly pervasive insistence that singles need to marry if they wish to achieve these higher lives of happiness, financial security, and health only emphasises and exacerbates their diminished level of happiness, security, and health in the present. The sociological formula becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You see, the sociological findings merely describe that there is some imbalance within the status quo. They don’t tell us is what levers should or must be pulled to change that imbalance. To determine that, we need to bring a value-laden framework to bear upon the findings.

So, let’s reverse engineer the framework, which concludes that if the imbalance is to be rectified, then the obvious lever to pull is less singleness and more marriage. Here are its underlying assumptions:

1. Increased happiness is the key measurable factor by which we might know whether the imbalance has been rectified (again, more on this in a moment).

2. We’re content with the fact that our contemporary Western society significantly disadvantages unmarried people (amongst others) in such a way that they are left unhappier than the more advantaged married folks. That is, we’re not interested in adjusting the existing cultural, economic, and societal controls to see if that might help address the imbalance. (Indeed, if some politicians, and even Christian leaders, had their way, singles would be put at even more of a disadvantage.)

3. Which means there is only one possible lever left to be pulled. If unmarried people want to achieve increased levels of happiness in the societal status quo, the answer is simple—they need to get married.

But wait, because we Christians add an even deeper assumption to that framework.

In the contemporary Western evangelical church, we begin with the assumption that marriage is not only statistically normative for Christians but also morally normative. That is, we generally regard marriage as ethically prescriptive for Christians (unless you can prove yourself a legitimate exception). And so, we apply that interpretative assumption to the data… and then we use that data to confirm our pre-existing assumption. Let me give you an example.

Recently, a (friendly) online interlocutor pushed back a little on my critique of the sociological lens. He wrote:

“It does seem the data bears out what the Bible dignifies healthy marriages that create healthy families seem to produce better quality of life over the long haul for those in them than those outside of them.”

But does the Bible indeed dignify or teach that? Or are we simply assuming it does?

Certainly, marriage is a wonderful gift and children are a blessing from the Lord. But, lets ask ourselves where Scripture says they bring a “better quality of life” for the Christian person living in the now-but-not-yet? Where does it say that those who don’t have or belong to them have a lower or diminished quality of life in the now-but-not-yet?

Certainly not here:

 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly [literally, “fleshly”] troubles, and I would spare you that.
- 1 Cor 7:28

Or here:

I want you to be free from anxieties… the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided… The married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.
- 1 Cor 7:32-34

Or here:

But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is.
- 1 Cor 7:39-40

Of course marriage and parenting bring unique joys, blessings and delights to life! But that is not the same thing as saying that they offer Christians a “better quality of life”. Indeed, some verses in the New Testament seem to suggest, well, the opposite. 😬

(Sidenote: In the next post, I’ll suggest that, for all of us, the most rich, abundant and beautiful quality of Christian life is to be found in the household of God.)

In summary, the first reason Christians should not look to sociology for “solutions” is because doing so encourages us to cling to our preexisting, often unquestioned and sometimes deeply flawed assumptions. It too easily results in us prescribing ethical action that reflects those pre-existing (and often self-serving) assumptions, rather than the gospel of Jesus Christ.

2. Confusing Personal Happiness with Other-Person-Centered Love

I’m going to knock this one over fairly quickly.

Happiness is a blessing from God. It’s a good thing to pray for happiness and embrace happiness when it comes to us.

But happiness is not the goal of a gospel-shaped life. The attainment of happiness does not drive Christian ethical action. Happiness is not the golden rule. Here is what is:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbour as yourself.
- Matt 22:37-38

Making the pursuit of personal happiness the grounds of our ethical framework is the teaching of the individual-obsessed, hedonistic world.

Making love for God and neighbour the grounds of our ethical framework is the responsibility of those who have been justified, sanctified, forgiven, and made free by Jesus Christ.

Sure, marriage can bring very real happiness. (Pssst. So too can singleness). Certainly, glorifying God and loving others sometimes/often results in us experiencing happiness. And of course there is nothing wrong with enjoying the happiness which God chooses to bestow upon us.

But to encourage Christians to choose to marry (or indeed, choose not to marry) foundationally because it might make them feel happier is not a gospel-shaped ethic. Following Jesus means putting ourselves last. It means being willing to “give up” the things we love, long for, and so often seek to find our happiness and security in, all while knowing that, in Jesus, we receive a hundredfold in this age and in the age to come, eternal life (Mk 10:29-31).

3. Confusing Double-Standards

I guess this last point is not so much an argument against employing sociology in Christian ethics as it is a demonstration of the double standards which so often result when it is employed for that purpose—specifically in the marriage and singleness discussion.

The contemporary evangelical church has a set narrative about singleness. That narrative is characterised by several distinctive features. I detail these features at length in chapters 3 and 4 of my book. One of them is the portrayal of singleness as a self-serving, self-focused, self-loving, and self-obsessed life situation. Only when the recalcitrant Christian single finally gets married do they realise just how shallow their prior existence was.

One of my “favourite” examples of this comes from Mark Driscoll back in his hey-day:

“When you’re a single guy, you kinda come and go, do as you please. Your schedule’s your own. Your money’s your own. Your place is your own. You do as you please. Married – totally different; you’re asking this question: “Sweetheart, how can I love and serve you?” That’s it. That’s it, and that’s your job, right?

Single Like Jesus

Do you see the narrative? When you are single, it’s all about me, me, me. Once you have a ring on your finger, well, then suddenly, you turn into a different person who is only ever interested in loving and serving your spouse.

Brett McCracken retells the same narrative at the start of his article, though admittedly in a more subtle and palatable way:

“I lived a satisfying life in my 20s as a single guy. I earned two college degrees, did internships in Hollywood and in the U.K., traveled abroad, settled into my first job, published my first book, helped plant a church, and developed deep spiritual friendships with a solid group. I’m grateful for all of it. But my life became so much richer when I became a husband. And it was further enriched when I became a father.”

As a Single Man, I Felt Little Pressure to Get Married. I Wish I Had

The single Christian is usually characterised as either an immature kidult, or at worst, a self-absorbed and at best, ignorant individual who makes life decisions based on what they want to do and on what they think will make them the happiest. It is bad for the Christian to be this way.

But then along comes the sociological argument for marriage, and what is its ethical basis?

“[…] marriage is positively correlated with happiness, better mental and physical health, and various other measures of flourishing. And so as Keith Simon argued for The Gospel Coalition last year, “If parents wish for their adult children to be happy, the data suggests they should encourage them to prioritize marriage and children…”

As a Single Man, I Felt Little Pressure to Get Married. I Wish I Had

“Many people who spoke to me for my new book, Get Married, echoed these feelings. Katherine, a 40-year-old woman in Virginia, told me that “being married has given me [financial] stability, a deeper sense of meaning in the world, and confidence.” Even though her life is more “messy,” with two young kids in the mix, than it was when she was single, she said marriage and family life make her “happy in a more profound way.” “

Why You Should Get Married

So, it should surprise no one—least of all Christians—that our nation’s 50–year experiment with alternatives to marriage has left huge numbers of people deeply unhappy. Thanks to social science, we know the solution.   

Married People Are Happier

Do you see the double standards at play?

When single Christians unapologetically delight in the genuine happiness that God brings them in and through their situation in life, they are considered selfish or immature or both.

When married Christians unapologetically delight in the genuine happiness that God brings them in and through their situation in life, they are considered wise and mature and godly.

In other words, the sociological “solution” encourages ethical action based on what we think will be in our own best interests and flourishing… so long as that ethical action involves us getting married. It says its ok—even good—to delight in happiness in marriage. Not so much in singleness. Why? Well, to bring us back full circle, it is because we hold tightly to the starting assumption that marriage is ethically prescriptive for Christians (unless you can prove yourself a rare legitimate exception).

And so the means—pursuing personal happiness—is justified by that particular end—becoming a married person.

Staying in Our Lane

Now, please take note of what I have not said here.

I have not said that happiness is a bad thing. I have not said that marriage doesn’t bring certain measures of happiness. I have not said that singleness doesn’t ever tempt people towards selfishness. I have not said we should have no concerns about the current rates of marriage and fertility. I have not said that we should be promoting singleness over marriage in our churches. I have not said more and more people should remain single.

What I have said is that Christians ought not to be determining and enacting our ethics based on what (we like to believe) social science says. Rather, our ethics ought to be grounded in and compelled by what God’s word says and how that same word directs us to act out of love for God and each other.

We have our own wonderful, glorious, clearly defined lane. So, let’s stay in it.

My next post will demonstrate just what a wreck we cause when we veer out of it. Subscribe below to receive it in your inbox.